What to do...

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Casey

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I'm pretty mad at the moment... I was sitting here looking at the e-mail which apparently came from NBC about the Conan O'Brien show. I've had this e-mail for about a year now and was told by the Rhythm Guitard/SInger of the band that they e-mail him, And apparently we got put off at the beginning of the year to play later this year due to a writer strike.

So I'm looking at this e-mail and thinking, something doesn't add up. Because the guitard has been saying "Conan is cool and all, But if we get signed before then we should turn down playing on there and concentrate on the cd" and lately he has been pretty much saying playing on Conan isn't all that important. So I decided to looking into this e-mail address, I did a whois on the domain name and surprisingly it was registered to none other than the guitard. Not just that, But it was registered the same day he got the e-mail. I don't know what to think, Why would someone possibly lie about something like this? And keep lying about it for almost a year now?!

The sad thing is, I really love the music we're playing, But at this point... I feel like if I play a show with him, I'm going to end up hitting him over the head with my bass. It really pisses me off that someone would do this to me. Not just that, But him and his brother live in the same house, And his brother happens to be the lead guitarist. I don't think his brother knew about any of this nor did his family, and they were extremly excited about the whole Conan thing. Also, Our new drummer is really hyper about it all as well.

Now the question is, What would you do in this kind of situation.
 
wow, thats some pretty heav stuff man.

maybe the guitard just wanted to get the bands hopes up ... that you guys are actually going somewhere, so youd work and practice harder.

i am all for you leaving that band, cause honestly ... that is some pretty generic sounding music in there, and i can imagine someone with your skills can go playing better music with better people.

and if i was in your situation, id hit the guitard with a lead pipe *lol* just kidding, id probably just break his nose with my fists, until which we could go to the hospital together... stitches for my fist and stitches for his face *lol*
 
I will definantly be using the band to my full advantage until my quitting time... My car is currently crapping out on me and the guitard works at a car shop so I get discounted car parts... So I will be using that until I get my car fixed this weekend.

Sadly I have a show on Friday so I will have to endure... Even though I will be very tempted to screw the whole thing up.

Although I'am all up for the led pipe idea.
 
Dude, that's How to be an asshole #1.

Don't let him keep his lies up, break it to the two other guys in the band, and prove it
 
Casey said:
I'm pretty mad at the moment... I was sitting here looking at the e-mail which apparently came from NBC about the Conan O'Brien show. I've had this e-mail for about a year now and was told by the Rhythm Guitard/SInger of the band that they e-mail him, And apparently we got put off at the beginning of the year to play later this year due to a writer strike.

So I'm looking at this e-mail and thinking, something doesn't add up. Because the guitard has been saying "Conan is cool and all, But if we get signed before then we should turn down playing on there and concentrate on the cd" and lately he has been pretty much saying playing on Conan isn't all that important. So I decided to looking into this e-mail address, I did a whois on the domain name and surprisingly it was registered to none other than the guitard. Not just that, But it was registered the same day he got the e-mail. I don't know what to think, Why would someone possibly lie about something like this? And keep lying about it for almost a year now?!

The sad thing is, I really love the music we're playing, But at this point... I feel like if I play a show with him, I'm going to end up hitting him over the head with my bass. It really pisses me off that someone would do this to me. Not just that, But him and his brother live in the same house, And his brother happens to be the lead guitarist. I don't think his brother knew about any of this nor did his family, and they were extremly excited about the whole Conan thing. Also, Our new drummer is really hyper about it all as well.

Now the question is, What would you do in this kind of situation.
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Have a band meeting and reveal this fact to the others. They deserve to know the truth, but they need to hear it from the guitarist himself.
 
So you never actually had any contact with anyone from NBC other than a fraudulent e-mail?!?! I thought these things would involve a phone call at least! You know, a bit of back-and-forth kinda thing...
 
The Swedish Owl said:
Casey said:
I'm pretty mad at the moment... I was sitting here looking at the e-mail which apparently came from NBC about the Conan O'Brien show. I've had this e-mail for about a year now and was told by the Rhythm Guitard/SInger of the band that they e-mail him, And apparently we got put off at the beginning of the year to play later this year due to a writer strike.

So I'm looking at this e-mail and thinking, something doesn't add up. Because the guitard has been saying "Conan is cool and all, But if we get signed before then we should turn down playing on there and concentrate on the cd" and lately he has been pretty much saying playing on Conan isn't all that important. So I decided to looking into this e-mail address, I did a whois on the domain name and surprisingly it was registered to none other than the guitard. Not just that, But it was registered the same day he got the e-mail. I don't know what to think, Why would someone possibly lie about something like this? And keep lying about it for almost a year now?!

The sad thing is, I really love the music we're playing, But at this point... I feel like if I play a show with him, I'm going to end up hitting him over the head with my bass. It really pisses me off that someone would do this to me. Not just that, But him and his brother live in the same house, And his brother happens to be the lead guitarist. I don't think his brother knew about any of this nor did his family, and they were extremly excited about the whole Conan thing. Also, Our new drummer is really hyper about it all as well.

Now the question is, What would you do in this kind of situation.
Click to expand...

Have a band meeting and reveal this fact to the others. They deserve to know the truth, but they need to hear it from the guitarist himself.
Click to expand...

I agree totally. Don't leave without confronting him
 
yeah...at band practice you could word it like: "I contacted the O'Brian-show's booking directer and she didn't know anything about our scheduled gig, said we were never scheduled, anybody know whats going on?" This would force the guitard to lie more, or confess. Just be sure to actually contact the booking department of the show, so you can prove to the band that they have been lied to. :wink: I hope it works out Casey.

Above all, try to be professional yourself. That way, when word gets out to other musicians that you held the high road by leaving due to unprofessionalism, you will be the respected one and asked to join other groups while the guitard will be stigmatized as the immature dick and be left to play with himself! :lol:
 
Avram said:
yeah...at band practice you could word it like: "I contacted the O'Brian-show's booking directer and she didn't know anything about our scheduled gig, said we were never scheduled, anybody know whats going on?" This would force the guitard to lie more, or confess. Just be sure to actually contact the booking department of the show, so you can prove to the band that they have been lied to. :wink: I hope it works out Casey.

Above all, try to be professional yourself. That way, when word gets out to other musicians that you held the high road by leaving due to unprofessionalism, you will be the respected one and asked to join other groups while the guitard will be stigmatized as the immature dick and be left to play with himself! :lol:
Click to expand...

totally agree. Band meeting and introduce the subject that way and the other band members will do the dirty job.
 
Definitely call the booking agent and confirm the lie, then use that to draw the guitard out at a band meeting.

I've heard stories from motivational speakers where a boss tells his employess that he's chosen them for a special project because they were exceptional. Then once the project was completed in record time with better workmanship, he reveals that the employees were simply chosen at random, not because they were something special. This is supposed to show that success is based on believing in ourselves; supposedly talent and ability will follow belief.

Sounds like what the guitard is doing, in hopes that the band will take off quicker.

While it's a nice theory, it is not a sound one. A good band requires hard work and committment, and that takes time and patience. It also requires trust amongst the members. There is the slight chance that the guitard honestly thought what he was doing was best for the band. If that's the case, then he needs to be made aware that what he's doing destroys the bond in a band and that he needs to appologize to everybody and get on the same page. He's no better than the rest of the members and he's not to make decisions behind their back, no matter how good HE thinks they are for the whole! It's now going to be a long hard road to regain his trust and unity again. One step forward, ten steps back...

All I can say is, what a blow. I feel for you at this time...
 
I'm kind of torn now that I've calmed down a bit... I love the music we're playing, Since we got the new drummer the stuff is alot tighter, faster, and heavier... Plus I can actually throw my ideas around and really incorporate my true playing style with the music...

I'm thinking of a passive way of letting him get found out, to the point where he confesses and everything is back on it's way minus playing on Conan. I don't have a problem playing local shows, Conan was a big deal to me... But I can live without it... However I think it's going to be hard to be even in the same room as him now. I think I'll start giving off hints that I know, Or even have the NBC booking agent contact him directly about this.

I feel like that redneck girl you see on cops... The one who has been beaten by her husband yet still loves him and keeps going back :P I HATE the lies, I love the music, and the bands we play with, the band members, and the crowds we get...

I don't want to let one lie tear the whole band apart, But lying about something like this really gets me... I can't picture the whole idea that was posted above... To get everyone to work harder, But the thing is... Sooner or later he will have to tell us that NBC called it off, or he called it off, or just straight out confess to the lie.

It'll take some thinking on my end... But I'll figure everything out over the next couple of days.

I hate band drama! :P
 
Well, I don't know the guy, nor do I know what it's like to be in your band, so I have no idea what his motivation could have been.

I do allow for people to make stupid human mistakes because I'm guilty of doing boneheaded things myself. But if he had some sick, twisted hurtful reason for doing this, then I would expose him and come to a crossroads with him. But I don't know what reason he could have for doing such a thing on purpose to be hurtful. Perhaps it was a sick joke, and if it was, then he needs to know that it was innappropriate and it's going to take time to rebuild trust. If he did it to motivate the band, then he needs to know he was out of line and again, it's going to take time to rebuild trust with him.

Again, I can't see into his head and I don't know the unique circumstances and experiences of being in your band and having to deal with each other, but I'm sure there are a lot of other complex things that probably enter into this. It's just a shame that it's turning out this way. I know you were looking forward to that show and we too were going to come along on the ride with you through your reports. So we were all let down and we're here for you!
 
It might be better to talk to him one on one with no one around so he doesn't have to lie to look good in front of other people.Don't come at him mad or in attack mode cause it will just get his back up.And don't hit him with your bass Warwick's are tough but guitards heads are like stone filled with lead.
 
im not up for the passive treatment, because sooner or later it would be buried and there might come a day when it would erupt and you would really end up with lead pipes on each other (definitely not a good thing, especially with you since you are married).

however, you can make it sit until the anger has died down and you can talk to him about it ... there is a logical reason why he did that. he must care for the band too.
 
I would simply tell the guitarist that you found the domain registered to him and ask what's going on in private.

...then I'd follow it up with a band meeting, and take it from there.
 
IncX said:
im not up for the passive treatment, because sooner or later it would be buried and there might come a day when it would erupt and you would really end up with lead pipes on each other (definitely not a good thing, especially with you since you are married).

however, you can make it sit until the anger has died down and you can talk to him about it ... there is a logical reason why he did that. he must care for the band too.
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Ah! But taking a heavy blunt object to him would make me happy! Plus I bet I could dispose of the body without getting caught :twisted:

I'll be telling the guys next week after he fixes my car this weekend :lol:
 
I agree with IncX....better to deal with this head-on instead of waiting for a better moment. A good time to talk to him may never come, and it probably will be uncomfortable no matter how its done, so...

Of course when you confront him you can give him the benefit of the doubt, and see what he has to say before you accuse him of any shady dealings. I agree that you are in a tough position, but I still vote to confront the guitarist and get an explanation. I mean, you have a question that he should be able to answer, simple as that...hopefully...

Good luck!

my 2 cents :wink:
 
Just make sure you have your facts right first, or it could be a Meet The Parents moment. Then I'd talk to the guitarist alone and confront him, and see how it pans out.
 
The Swedish Owl said:
Casey said:
I'm pretty mad at the moment... I was sitting here looking at the e-mail which apparently came from NBC about the Conan O'Brien show. I've had this e-mail for about a year now and was told by the Rhythm Guitard/SInger of the band that they e-mail him, And apparently we got put off at the beginning of the year to play later this year due to a writer strike.

So I'm looking at this e-mail and thinking, something doesn't add up. Because the guitard has been saying "Conan is cool and all, But if we get signed before then we should turn down playing on there and concentrate on the cd" and lately he has been pretty much saying playing on Conan isn't all that important. So I decided to looking into this e-mail address, I did a whois on the domain name and surprisingly it was registered to none other than the guitard. Not just that, But it was registered the same day he got the e-mail. I don't know what to think, Why would someone possibly lie about something like this? And keep lying about it for almost a year now?!

The sad thing is, I really love the music we're playing, But at this point... I feel like if I play a show with him, I'm going to end up hitting him over the head with my bass. It really pisses me off that someone would do this to me. Not just that, But him and his brother live in the same house, And his brother happens to be the lead guitarist. I don't think his brother knew about any of this nor did his family, and they were extremly excited about the whole Conan thing. Also, Our new drummer is really hyper about it all as well.

Now the question is, What would you do in this kind of situation.
Click to expand...

Have a band meeting and reveal this fact to the others. They deserve to know the truth, but they need to hear it from the guitarist himself.
Click to expand...

agree with sharing it with the others. They deserve to know too.
 
So I told the guys lastnight about the whole situation. And they ended up telling the guitard that they know. I ran down to the practice space today to snag up all my gear until everything calms down between everyone (And I told them that I was doing that for that same reason) Well I log onto myspace this afternoon and I've been deleted from the bands page. I call one of the guitarists and he said that the guitard that he was scammed and the site was a fake and yada yada yada... He came up with another lie and they believed it.

I didn't believe it for a second... I did another dns check on the domain and the domain was updated again this afternoon with all of the guitards new info. Which proves he's the owner of it and he's been lying. I told the guys and they still refuse to believe me, I have a TON of evidence that he's behind all of this... They said I can come back, But don't expect any apologies.

So, I'm done.

Time to hunt for a new band :) Maybe I'll play some funk this time around.
 
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