ugh.. again..

JHbass

JHbass

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Hey guys,

Some of you may remember my troubles with a girl and my former best friend last year around this time. Well my other best friend has been hiding behind the excuse that his girlfriend broke up with him (3 months ago..) to do stupid and screwed up things. Well.... He started to hang out with my ex. I told him that it bothered me and asked him not to because I really hate her and i dont hate anyone, i may have grievances with some, but with her there is so much intensity.

so when i told him that it was f'd up to do something like that to your best friend, he told me " i do f'd up things", after that i just asked him "who are you?" he said "someone you dont know".

I told him good luck.

He was acting liek he was the only one allowed to hurt and feel bad, when that isnt the case at all...

Im sick of losing people because of this chick. Shes done nothing but bring me grief over the past year, 2 of my CLOSEST friends... gone because of this girl and their selfishness.

ugh.

thanks for reading guys, i appreciate it and im grateful i can come here and talk about things in an environment where people are really open.

-Jesse
 
Sorry to hear that JH. Sounds like you have similar problems
to what I have gone through before. Always sucks to see
people play the pity game, and self-destruct, especially when
they admit to knowing about doing messed up things. They
often hurt the people around them because they themselves
hurt very much too.

Unfortunately, all you can do is step back, and watch the
inevitable car accident happen. It's sad to watch, and painful
to go through, but you know you'll get through it.

What I did, was distance myself from those people as much
as possible. It's hard to walk away, but you've got to know
that you're not leaving them behind, they're leading themselves
astray.

Best of luck to you JH, and yes we're always here. (I've abused
that myself, as a matter of fact. :P) Things always get worse
before they get better, they have to, or else, you wouldn't appreciate
it as much.

I mean, how else would you know you're on top, unless you've seen
it from the very bottom before?
 
True friends dont act this way Jesse,but growing up is all about this sorta thing man.You cant tell your friends who & who not to hang with mate.That's just setting yourself up for big dissapointment.In your teens,you're changing your friends as often as you change your undies.Dont stress over it.Relax & enjoy your youth,coz before you know it,it'll be over & you'll wonder why the hell you waisted so much emotion & time on stuff like this.Try to see it for what it is,rather then getting caught up in all the politics of the past.It seems like you'd be alot happier if you stopped being at war with this ex & just let it go.
Good luck little man & make us proud.
 
btw,dont listen to Tyler.
He's a nototrious ladies man & grand prix racer ;)
 
I agree with Greg here. Your best friend can love the girl, and they can even get married in the future. You cannot tell him who to love...
If you are really his friend, then be happy for him, that's all.
 
You know most good guys always end up with some really ♣♣♣♣ed up chicks, and they are always soooo sure about themselves. I know, it happened to me soo many times that a dude I know ended up dating a girl I knew that was a lot of troubles. They wouldn't listen, they got hurt and told me how I was right and should have listened and blah blah blah. He will not listen, and he'll learn how much you were right about it.

Now, for the fact that the girl in question is your ex and that you hate it, well, that's a thing that happens. You cannot control your friends who to date or not in function of if you like them or not. It's like if you were 15 and your parents told you not to date x girl 'cause they didn't like her.

Taking time to tell your friend the girl is troubles is ok, telling him not to date her cause you don't like her, not ok.
 
he isnt dating her, and now its not so much that theyre hanging out, its the fact that he didnt give a crap about how I felt about them hanging out.

I tried to let this go with the ex, but she wont leave, I may have to tell her whats on my mind, it wont be pretty....

Thanks for the replies guys
 
Man sounds like a s**t place to be, greg and florin are right though on this one.

It does sound like your being slightly controlling, however in this situation its pretty normal. If even after you made your feelings known, and not demand how your friends hang out with and they tell you to essentially piss off, its gonna be their loss.

Few years ago i went through the same thing, however it wasn't 2 peoples friendships lost it was a whole group. One of those situations where everything that when wrong did, not helped by the fact that the girl was very emotionally demanding and had issues getting over people. Long story short i just stopped seeing and hanging out with them, started talking to a few people i kinda knew out of that friendship group and haven't looked back, even at uni the 'new' guys i started hangin out with are better friends than the others ever were.

Any form of relationships have the good the bad and the ugly, distancing yourself will probably mean you encounter new people, developing new friendships are part of life and happen frequently, i mean at uni friends and people fluctuate so often that its kinda refreshing!

I'm beginning to babble, guess i'll end with this: when sh*t hits the fan although it makes a mess you can clean it up, but it could take a while.(yeh i just though that up!)
 
Just wondering, not trying to start anything here, why your so-called best friends seem to end up with your ex.
 
Doog said:
Just wondering, not trying to start anything here, why your so-called best friends seem to end up with your ex.
Click to expand...

well friend 1: apparently he was in love with the girl the entire time we were dating, so 5 months into the relationship he made his feelings known, calling me a horrible friend(bassically he was mad at me because i wasnt psychic) and has been on a downward spiral ever since...

friend 2: his girl broke up with him 3 months ago, ever since hes been doing and saying really dumb things, like things that you know he knows are dumb and he only wants the attention. My ex started talking to him because she had a similar experience and i told him that it bothered me that she would do that but its cool to talk to her and all. Then they started hanging out and ive all ready specified my intense dislike for this girl in the first post, and i asked him to stop because it bothered me which seems reasonable enough since she is my ex and she put me in a really bad place for a while after our relationship had ended and i stopped hanging out with his ex after they had broken up because of how he was emotionally and mentally (and mind you, him and my ex never talked during the course of our relationship, me and his ex were extremely good friends and i sacrificed that because i considered him like a brother). So I talked to him last night and i told him i thought it was screwed up because of what I did for him, he just said i do screwed up things, and when i asked him "who are you?", he said "someone you dont know". He just didnt care how i felt about it and i told him that he isnt the only one allowed to hurt and feel upset, but he just couldnt care less.

I know this was a lengthy post but i realized i left out details in the first post that i should have put in.
 
I tend to stay out of my friends relationships because a) i don't like the girl, and i think they can do alot better than whoever they're dating OR b) I'm jealous.
Just my two cents...
 
Doog said:
The opposite of love aint hate, it's indifference.
Click to expand...


Inneressin.

If two [or more...] things are equal to some
same other thing, then those two things [or
more things] are also equal.

Love, hate, and indifference. It's not exactly
like the rule above ... cuz this is not about
two things being the same as some third
thing. But it's in the ballpark. It does seem
that love and hate have some connection in
that both are the OPPOSITE of indifference.

Kinda like "bitter is opp of sweet" and "sour
is opp of sweet". So bitter and sour are not
"the same", but they are connected, thru a
"third party" which is their opposite rather
than their equal. It matters that bitter and
sour share not just some vague "absence of
sweet", but share a distinct "oppositeness
to sweet". It connects them.​

 
Last edited by a moderator:
golem said:


Inneressin.

If two [or more...] things are equal to some
same other thing, then those two things [or
more things] are also equal.

Love, hate, and indifference. It's not exactly
like the rule above ... cuz this is not about
two things being the same as some third
thing. But it's in the ballpark. It does seem
that love and hate have some connection in
that both are the OPPOSITE of indifference.

Kinda like "bitter is opp of sweet" and "sour
is opp of sweet". So bitter and sour are not
"the same", but they are connected, thru a
"third party" which is their opposite rather
than their equal. It matters that bitter and
sour share not just some vague "absence of
sweet", but share a distinct "oppositeness
to sweet". It connects them.​
Click to expand...

:eek:

Good point.
 
I'll clarify, the opposite of one strong feeling is not another strong feeling. It's the lack of feeling at all.

I have an ex that cheated on me throughout a good part of our (live in) relationship. Found out after the fact, got no diseases thankfully. Do I hate her? No. I really don't give a ♣♣♣♣ (if the forum has a censor go to it, if not, oh ♣♣♣♣) what the hell she does.

Hate is very controlling, it can consume you. You are giving power to someone. Hate is a strong emotion. Let it go.
 
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