In a rut...

Phoenix

Phoenix

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[Rant warning! Do not read if you're having a good day]


Hey guys,

I have problems that I feel only you guys will understand or even give a toss about, so here goes.

Put simply, I do not feel all that respected by the other members of my band. I live with two of them, and the social situation in the house (outside of the band) has been absolutely hellish, due to one of the other housemates getting with my frankly insufferable ex-girlfriend, who has since proceeded by way of connivance and general female b*tchiness to completely ostracise me from the rest of the social group, which up to around about this time last year constituted my closest friends.

This external problem has since (by my perception at least) started to permeate into the band. I accept that it could just be me being hyper-sensitive due to the malase I already felt due to the above situation, but still. It came to a head last night at a wee pub gig. I felt nervous and off my game as was, and felt that members of the crowd ('friends' of ours) were laughing at me, thus making me more tense still. When we took a break in the set, I went to turn my amp off and found that some funny f*cker had stuck a piece of paper with 'ANKER' next to the rather promenant 'W' on my CCL (which is a beauty, btw :)). Add this to being the butt of the on-stage banter and he background to the situation, I blew a fuse (not in front of the crowd mind). I did give the band mates a stern telling off and the situation seemed resolved and the rest of the set went well.

Never-the-less, I still feel under-appriciated and certainly not all that respected by my colleagues. I am the main lyricist for the band, I write a lot of the music, I growl like no-one else we know, I play a mean bass (on a good day!) and I feel that I am the drive behind the band making any progress at all (this last gig got booked by my initative, and if it wasn't for my perpetual nagging, we wouldn't have an EP out right now). This feeling has been intensified by my covering bass with another local band (incidentally, my drummer also plays with them). I felt genuinely respected and appriciated and welcome by those guys, in sharp contrast to the feeling I have with the other guys.

I don't really now what I can do. I love the music I make with these guys, and I still call them my friends, but this feeling I have is making me feel unhappy and fustrated and it as affecting the quality of my playing. I know a lot of you will say 'f*ck them and find a new band', but that to me is the nuclear option that right now I really can't bring myself to consider.

Any advice or whatever would be appriciated. Thanks, and sorry for ranting on a Sunday!

Chris

[/rant]
 
You should really let them know that you don't wanna take their shit. If you write songs, play good and sing/growl good. You should have no problem finding a new band if it reaches such a level.
Before all: Don't take it. Do NOT stand there and take it.
 
The best thing you can do is talk to these guys. Tell them how you feel and why. Then things can change.

Changing bands isn't going to help the situation one bit.
 
Indeed, finding a new band isn't a solution.

Maybe, because you are aware of your position in the band, of your importance (song-writer, groovy bassist etc.) you have a superiority attitude, which you do not necessary realize, but your band mates feel that. Have you been bossy and stuff? Did you make them understand that somehow you are above them (by skills, by attitude :?: ).

I'm not trying to accuse you mate, just supposing what could cause their behavior. I think you should take a deeper look into you behavior, make an auto-analysis, and after that have a serious talk with your band mates!

Hope everything ends up well! Good luck! :)
 
I you talk to the other members and it still doesn't get better leave.It sounds like you get along good with your drummer and if your the driving force behind the band take him with you and find people who are behind what your doing.Life is to short to waste with people who will hold you back.I know it sound harsh but life is to short to waste.On a lighter note I hope it works out for you. :)
 
Rieno said:
The best thing you can do is talk to these guys. Tell them how you feel and why. Then things can change.

Changing bands isn't going to help the situation one bit.
Click to expand...

I think Rieno is right. Being in a band is not that easy, I don't know a single band without problems like that. A band is like a family.
Imagine now a family made of men only, with huge egos because they are artists too. You should learn to live with that, things are always changing. Today it is ok, tomorrow it will bad again. Smart people stay together...

In this situation a good laugh could be a good solution, in the end it was a joke. Talk to the guys, then hug, and everything will be alright.
Don't change your band for this reason, because, you will probably find this kind of trouble in any band you will play.
 
If that were my amp?I'd stick the,"anker" thing on permanently.
I wouldnt let shit like that bother ya.If band life isnt what you wanted in the long term,look out for another band.
 
I've been in this situation myself actually...

My advice would be talk to them and explain how you feel. If things don't change I'll advice you to leave the band in order to save your friendship. I once stayed in a band for waaaay too long resulting in me losing my best friend (also in the band) since kindergarten. It ain't the end of the world if it happens, but it can't really be replaced. I've known his family forever and vice versa.

So talk to them and make a deal. You will as a band give it your all to make it work and if it doesn't, the best thing would be you leaving, saving your friendship. You're already in another band and there'll be others yet to come - but these guys has been your friends for so long. Try to salvage what you can :)

Best wishes mate
 
i suggest you take a break...

go back after 2 months... then things would usually feel fresh again.

take a break now, or risk losing not only your band, but your friendship as well.
 
well I would talk to them and explain them how you feel. If things do not change then talk to them about leaving and if still nothing changes go ahead and go with the other band since they seem to appreciate you more than these guys.
 
Yeah, definitely talk to them - tell them you aren't happy and try and get to the root of why they might be making you feel unappreciated.

Bands are very difficult 'things' to be in - like Florin said, several people all with egos can be very trying. If you like the band, stick with it - hopefully they'll respect you for sticking up for yourself.

Good luck dude.

G
 
Talk to them, try to see why they are "mean" and as someone said look into yourself to see if you haven't done anything wrong. If they refuse to admit that they are being real PITA with you, then maybe it's time to think about joining the other band.
 
Yeeewww!!! Bands!

Personally I'd leave and see how they get on with a non-warwick-playing guy who sounds like he's playing with his feet (of which there are plenty)

Life's too short... something always comes along at the right time!
 
I definitely wouldn't quit just yet - have a good talk to them and see if you can figure it out. Give it your best shot, but then if it doesn't work out, be nice about it and let them know that they'll need another bass player. Don't just walk out on them - give them a little notice. I might even offer to help the new bassist out to get up to speed over a couple of rehearsals too if you think that would be appropriate.

Hopefully it won't come to that, but if it does it's nice to be professional and mature about it.

There's no sense upsetting them - even if they have upset you.

;)
 
Do any of them have girlfriends you could bang? That might shut them up. :P

But really, talkin about it in the open is always the best way.
 
I had a good chat with Glenn (one of the axemen) last night and got it all out in the open. He said if there were any grievences, it's my impatience, but that aside, there's no problem from their front. I think it's 80% me being over-sensitive, so I'm gonna give it a few months and see what happens. We all want this band to work, so here's hoping :) Thanks for the advice guys, and I'll keep you posted.
 
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