Depression...

C

Casey

Guest
Wondering how everyone else copes with depression?

At the moment, I'm at my lowest point I've ever been. My marriage is falling apart, The band lied to me and booted me out, And I'm so close to living on the streets.

A little background on all of this, So you all problaby know about the band situation and how they lied to me, stole gig money from me and then in the end kicked me out of the band. Well my wife has sided with them and has been hanging out with the guys the past couple of days, From the afternoons until midnight or even later. I hate to beat a dead horse (threadwise) but it's me and the wife fighting all over again.

But this thread doesn't so much have to do with her...

So with all this going on, I was laid off of work on monday. We have apartment inspections coming up and they will be moving us to another apartment (And man do I hate change!) I'm just really stressed out at the moment and nothing seems to fix it.

I really hate to bring up the subject of suicide, But it's all thats been running through my mind lately. With everyone siding against me... It's hard to see the light through all of this, And most of you know I'm usually a positive thinker.

On the upside, If all this does go to crap I have a bit of money put away for such a situation. Have you guys noticed that atleast 3 or 4 times a year I post crazy threads like this?

Sorry for the downer...

Any hints on bringing back the happy Casey?
 
sucks, how about finding a new band. Or form one on your own.

Excuse me, but screw your wife and just get by the apparment inspection first and then try forming your own band with stuff you really love. Music is the answer to everything. But DONT go on with the suicide path, nothing good comes out of that... And we dont want to lose a great bassist :)

Hang in there buddy I'm praying for you ;)
 
I know this may sound really simple, but I learned the only person that can actually change you're mood is you. You may alllow outside influences, but in the end you decide what you're mood is gonna be. I would talk to her one time about how you and her are suppossed to be partners and how her hanging out with the band makes you feel. After that I would make a decision based on the conversation. If you believe in GOD you would really be amazed how HE lets you know what is best for you in crazy ways. I didn't post how I was glad you were back before, but I am..... All the best to you dude.. I hope it all works out.
 
Ramaq said:
sucks, how about finding a new band. Or form one on your own.

Excuse me, but screw your wife and just get by the apparment inspection first and then try forming your own band with stuff you really love. Music is the answer to everything. But DONT go on with the suicide path, nothing good comes out of that... And we dont want to lose a great bassist :)

Hang in there buddy I'm praying for you ;)
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Thanks :)

The only thing keeping me from doing something drastic to myself is my religion (Christianity)

A weird thing I noticed... Whenever I get into these depressed states, I feel much better when I rid myself of the majority of my posessions (is there a medical term for that? or am I just crazy?) Just today I parted ways with a bit of bass gear, my computer, I'm getting rid of my behringer mixer, and a few other things. I don't know why but when stuff like this happens one of the first things I do is get rid of stuff. And no drugs arent involved :P
 
Hanzo said:
I know this may sound really simple, but I learned the only person that can actually change you're mood is you. You may alllow outside influences, but in the end you decide what you're mood is gonna be. I would talk to her one time about how you and her are suppossed to be partners and how her hanging out with the band makes you feel. After that I would make a decision based on the conversation. If you believe in GOD you would really be amazed how HE lets you know what is best for you in crazy ways. I didn't post how I was glad you were back before, but I am..... All the best to you dude.. I hope it all works out.
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Yeah, Just like every other "I hate my marriage" type post... Whenever I try to talk to her she wants to fight. Women drive me nuts... I hate to say this, But if this marriage fails. There will be no more, I can't deal with being stuck around someone who wants to fight with me all the time.
 
i think marriage is a load of shit anyway, if you want to be with someone you dont have to sign a bit of paper, its not going to make you love each other anymore than you already do?

plus they can take half your shit if you break up, fuck that imagine if some chick took my CS buzzard and all my bass stuff.

i will never get married. ever!
 
Hey Casey,

I am sorry to hear that all of those problems are on your head together...

But, you know... it is nothing unusual... people are kicked out from bands, are lied, wives are not always the best friends...
It's just you have more problems now, but then again... I know people with much more problems than you, and they are dealing with them.

I remember you used to go to the church. I think there is your answer... In music business people are dealing with depression maybe much more than in other jobs, so depression is all around me. Of course, it happened to me too...
The only place where I saw INCREDIBLE results was in the church. The only people I know that really managed to get over depression, and drugs, and... you name it... were the guys that asked God to help them.

Suicide is not a solution man! Why to do it? If you believe in GOD, than you know that this is a very serious sin... If you don't believe in God, it means you believe that you will die, and there is... nothing after death.. It seems to me much more interesting to live and deal with your life's problems, than to disappear.

You have a lot of virtual (but true) friends here, on the forum. Talk to us, and we will pass over all of these problems. One thing I've learned in time... when you feel great, bad days will follow, and when you are down, good days will comel That's life, up, and down...

About your wife, I think you should do everything possible to save your marriage, talk to her... Talk to her like her man, not like a victim...

I will pray for you, my friend... Feel free to contact me in private if you wanna chat more, I just bought a black berry device, and I am online like... all day long. You write me a PM, and .... BUZZZ in my pocket.
My Yahoo Messenger ID is bss_x, skype florin_xbass .

Take care Casey!
 
Lewis said:
i think marriage is a load of sh*t anyway, if you want to be with someone you dont have to sign a bit of paper, its not going to make you love each other anymore than you already do?

plus they can take half your sh*t if you break up, f*** that imagine if some chick took my CS buzzard and all my bass stuff.

i will never get married. ever!
Click to expand...

I agree, A few months into the marriage and I started to see "the light". You wont believe how disrespectful she is to me... Yet for some reason I stick around...

All this stress is really a heavy load on my heart, I can feel it skipping beats, and really crapping out on me... Not to mention the non stop headaches and stomach pains I'm getting.

It's sad really, I KNOW the truth behind the whole band thing... All the lies they have been telling. I've never believed in something so strongly, And I have all the proof right here to prove it. Yet she refuses to believe it and took theyre side. I don't want to call her a moron, But you would have to be a total moron to not see the truth.

So at the moment, To attempt to get over being depressed... I'm going to watch some horror movies... Watching other people do what I wish I could to certain people makes me happy :)
 
Casey said:
All this stress is really a heavy load on my heart, I can feel it skipping beats, and really crapping out on me... Not to mention the non stop headaches and stomach pains I'm getting.
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Stress causes some bad chemicals (stress hormones) to go into your blood... This is not bullshit, we all have problems, but to be stressed or not... it is really your choice.
I know it is not that simple... I know... But you should do somehing to break this circle...
Anyway, some advices to you...
- stay away from alcohol, it is actually a depressant.
- you don't have to worry about your heart, you are healthy. But then again... bad things can happen with a healthy heart when you are stressed. Stay away from caffeine, coca cola, etc.
Take some Calcium, Magnezium, K, Na pills, they will feed your heart, and it will beat normal.
 
Great post from Florin. Minerals and vitamins can really have a great influence on your mood. Diet is really important. You shouldn't have too much red meat (pork in particular, beef is good but only if you move a lot). Eat lots of fruit & veg. As little sugar as possible - eating something sweet makes you feel nice (because of the high levels of sugar in blood), but very quickly your body starts to produce lots of insuline. And it makes the sugar levels to go much below the norms, and then you feel down. And don't have any carbohydrates in the evening, as they keep you from sleeping well.

I'm going through depression right now. It started like 5 months ago. I'm dealing really well with it in last few weeks. I believe that the negative stress is partially caused by toxins in your body. So I jog, do push-ups, play football, lift weights. I sweat to remove the sh*t out of me. I don't know if it's actually true, but works for me.
Having friends is really important. I'm relatively new on this forum and I never spoke here about my problems until now, but I've already seen many times how helpfull the guys are, when someone is having a bad time.

I had to end a relationship with my girlfriend. She was having strong attention- and control-issues, to the point when she was trying to stop me at home when I had a gig booked. There were also other problems.
It's good to fight for your marriage, if it's possible to solve the problems. If it's not - well, as my Grandma used to say: half the world is planted with these flowers. There's a better one for you out there. Now I have a new girlfriend. When she first came to my house to spend a couple of weeks here, she brought me a Warwick - so she must be a good woman. I had to buy it first, but still...;)
You are a strong guy, Casey. You are very sensitive and can't accept the sh*t going on around you, but you are stronger than that. You're a great musician and you'll form a great band soon - much better than the last one.
 
I have been depressed on and off for about 4 years now....I've had a lot of shit happen in my life during these years, and the good times I've had does not compensate for the bad. I don't wanna get in to details about it, it's just been a weird series of coincidences of bad things happening to me, for no apparent reason.

I find that taking long walks/bike rides often help me to think things over and get back on track. Video games always work great for me too, escaping reality for a while relieves stress (at least for me). When I'm down, my playing usually sucks big time, because I have such a hard time focusing on anything else than my bad mood.

I've also just been cheated out of a job, but I was lucky that another opportunity was waiting around the corner for me.

I also hope to acquire another wick very soon! :D
 
Chin-up Casey ;)

The band?

Stuff 'em - so many people would love to have you play with them ;) Use it as a positive, and get out amongst new players. You'll love it!

The job?

I'm sure a talented guy like yourself can pick up another job - even if you just take a "filler" for now until you find something that really suits you.

The wife?

I don't know much about your marital situation, but you've got to talk to your Mrs and really lay it out on the table. If there's a way you can patch it up, and you want to - that's great. Go for it, but if you need to, don't be afraid to split and live your own life. If it isn't going to work out, don't prolong the agony.

Suicide?

Out of the question man! The world needs bass players! :D Just imagine how great the world would be if everyone was as great as the bass playing folk here ;) The world can't afford to be without you.
 
Casey, I agree with most of the posts above. Life isn't always fair, but ending it prematurely is not the way to deal with it. I've had 'unfair' things happen to me, and although I couldn't understand at the time why God would let that happen, I usually end up seeing why (in one case, I had to wait about 6 years to understand why!!). I believe strongly in marriage (just celebrated 23 years with my lovely wife!), so as others have mentioned, lay it out and see if you can save it. However, I also have to say that if it's obvious it's not going to work, you can move on and make your life better. I'll be praying for you, dude!
 
I had posted this on another thread is still what i recommend:
"I work with patients with mental health isues and substance abuse everyday. I would suggest that you stay active, eat well, drink plenty of water and rest even though you "might not feel like it". go to the sessions, take the meds at the smae time everyday and do not skip. meds take about 2 weeks to kick in so stick to them even if you do not see any change in the next few days...it will come. Also try to stay off drugs and alcohol. Alcohol is actually a depresant and will counteract with the meds so it will make you even more depressed.

do force yourself to stay active and do outdoor activities and sports since endorphants (produced by physical activity) help you diminish the effects of the depression. if feeling suicidal call 911 or go to the closest ER to seek help.

it is ok to ask for help.

take care of yourself.

I deal with Depressed patients everyday and also have had family members with Depression and suicidal attempts in the past so I think i know what i am talking about.

I am not trying to sound like a therapist but this is what i went to school for and where I work (with mental health and substance abuse patients). take care. keeep us informed. PM us if need somebody to talk to. I am legallly bound to respect confidentiality in my practice and also would encourage you to go to church or seek God or whatever you believe in during these times of need. my family member established a relationship with God and now they are doing great. Depression is way gone.

Also once the meds kick in... keep taking them until the doctor says so... many patients start seeing the effects of the meds and they stop taking them, then they start to deteriorate and the 2 week cycle starts all over.

try to eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, as least canned or processed foods, havbe plenty of sunshine wich will help with vitamin E and enjoy time with friends and family even if you have to force yourself to attend the meetings or outings.

take care of yourself and let this thing run its course. do not stop. The therapist will possibly use CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) or Solution Focused Therapy which both of them are great for this problem. Support groups and play or art therapy also work wonders.

keep us posted. told you .. the meds take some time to kick in but once they do... in combination with activities and other things... you'll make it. Those lines about the thought process reveals is probable CBT and keep doing it. does work. sometimes we just need to reset the way our brain is acting and teach it new ways to function in order to prevent the sprialing down"

see my PM
 
Hey Casey -

I usually stay away from threads like this, but feel compelled to post.

Back in '03, I lost my mother to cancer, my cheating girlfriend of three years to a guy two time zones away and my job... all in a span of 12 days. That was tough, but, guess what... the sun still kept coming up and life went on.

Mom isn't coming back, but five years later:
> Instead of a job, I own my own Insurance practice and I'm my boss.
> I have a much better woman in my life.
> My ex figured out her mistakes and keeps calling, five years later.

It takes effort, since nothing in life comes free! I do believe good people rise to the top and you seem like a good guy to me. Identify what you want - what would make you happy - and go achieve it; while knowing that if you fall or stumble along the way, you'll simply get back up and keep pushing for what you want and deserve.

On another note: Please talk to a professional about your feelings. Sounds hokey, but it would help. Getting rid of personal possessions and the good feelings that accompany those actions is a definitive sign of advanced depression that needs to be addressed as soon as possible. Check the phonebook - every major city has free clinics that can help.

Good luck.
 
I know I will receive criticism but you're a christian and I am one too:

You need to dump all this stuff and extra baggage, come clean to the cross. Surrender everything even the modified bass, the wife, finances ....EVERYTHING! to him and He will pick you back up and help you. you got my cell if I can help you. I work with Mental health patients everyday this is why i went to school so many years for. (I have a license, an associate's , Bachelor's and Master's Degree in all this stuff man)

about suicidal thought you need to call your doctor, start some course f antideprersants until all gets back to normal since they will help you get baselined back up and then start cuting doen on them after some changes are made. you need to be proactive or your children will not see theu=ir father. i am serious and I am treating this as serious as you ut it here.

so go to the doctor, and if you develop a plan to kill yourself then I urge you for the well being of your children, your wife and yourself to go to the closest emergency room, call 911 or see your doctor. you got my cell so call me.
 
casey, hang in there man...

ive read the things ppl typed and they are very helpful...

i can suggest that you train in martial arts to get the stress out your body and tire yourself physically too... i discovered that i can hear god better when i am in my weakest... be it physically or emotionally.

you will find another band, if you were in my country, id help you out, and youd probably end up playing in a death metal band :D
 
casey,

your wife is either just being stupid or she may be trying to get them to let you back in the band. I remember you getting a lot of offers to join other bands in your area, i say go for it! im sorry about your apartment but if its for the best then its something you have to do. dont contemplate suicide that wont make things better. i suggest taking a personal vacation to find yourself maybe even go on an australian walk about.
 
Casey said:
Ramaq said:
sucks, how about finding a new band. Or form one on your own.

Excuse me, but screw your wife and just get by the apparment inspection first and then try forming your own band with stuff you really love. Music is the answer to everything. But DONT go on with the suicide path, nothing good comes out of that... And we dont want to lose a great bassist :)

Hang in there buddy I'm praying for you ;)
Click to expand...

Thanks :)

The only thing keeping me from doing something drastic to myself is my religion (Christianity)

A weird thing I noticed... Whenever I get into these depressed states, I feel much better when I rid myself of the majority of my posessions (is there a medical term for that? or am I just crazy?) Just today I parted ways with a bit of bass gear, my computer, I'm getting rid of my behringer mixer, and a few other things. I don't know why but when stuff like this happens one of the first things I do is get rid of stuff. And no drugs arent involved :P
Click to expand...

Ok dude are you selling anything cheap I'd be happy to help :D

Well I hope you're at least a bit better now that you have our best wishes with you :)
 
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